diary of a dysfunctional doll

thigs that make you say f***k

03.08.05 (3:59 pm)

warning, if the f word offends you, skip this post.

day 25

its snowing here in ct. again. the hubby is in ga and keeps calling me to bitch about the rain. screw him. ya know, i've tried to keep my use of the f word to a minumum here, but this is just one of those days that makes me say fuck. if you don't like it, quit reading now, cause i got a fealing its gonna get alot worse. the tire on my car is flat again. its snowing in fucking march. my husband is gone, its been 25 fucking days since i saw him, and i've got another 2 weeks atleast till he comes home. even when he does come home i just found out he'll only be here for about a week, then they leave again for an unknown amount of time, and them after that, they were supposed to leave in june for 5 months, but they'll be leaving sooner than expected. so in the next 6 months, i might get to see my husband 2 weeks, and out of that time, he'll spend almost all of it at work. sounds kinda crappy. well, it gets better. its not just snowing here, its also increadibly windy. we live in navy housing, and we have dishnetwork. we arent allowed to mount the dish to the house, so its on a pole in the yard. well, the pole blew over and smashed my dish. so now i have no fucking tv, no fucking car, and no fucking husband. this is bullshit. i cant even call dishnetwork because a) it will cost $99.00 for them to come out b) i'll hafta buy a new dish, and i dont even want to know how much that will cost and c) my name isnt on the fucking account (all the bills are in my husbands name, cause hes the one with the job, i asked him to add me, and thought he had, but no) so they wont fix it for me. i know its just a tv and it shouldnt be a big deal, but it fucking is to me right now. it was one of the few things i had left since my husbands gone and i'm practically a prisoner in my own damn house. i love my husband dearly, but its days like this that make me wonder if it was really worth moving away from my friends and family to be with him, when i dont even get that much out of the deal. oh fuck it.

posted by: jennirae269
post date: 03.08.05 (4:24 pm)

No tv. That just fuckin sucks.

posted by: slash
post date: 03.08.05 (4:54 pm)

TV? y do we need it if u have other better things to do? hehe..

posted by: Roxgirl
post date: 03.08.05 (5:01 pm)

Reply to: slash
She doesn't... her husband is out of town!!!!

posted by: Roxgirl
post date: 03.08.05 (5:02 pm)

I feel your pain!!! My best friend is in your shoes actually. She followed her fiance (now husband) all over so that he could fulfill his career as a MP (military policeman)... she's a prisioner in her own life I sometimes feel!!!
You two should talk, I bet you have a lot in common!!!

posted by: Caper
post date: 03.08.05 (5:37 pm)

What a crap day! I really hope it starts getting better for you. You do have alot to cope with being on your own so much.

posted by: dysfunction1018
post date: 03.08.05 (5:51 pm)

Reply to: slash
perhaps you missed the part where i have no life, and am trapped in my house, alone except for 2 annoying dogs, and a 6 month old who is gonna be very sad when theres no "bear in the big blue house" for him in the morning. trust me, if anyone has ever "needed" tv, its me right now. and besides, i'm paying for it.

posted by: FinalyFree
post date: 03.08.05 (8:13 pm)

I tell you what I'd do, I'd call the local cable company up tomorrow and have them get their happy asses out and hook you up. Atleast it would be tv and the next thing to do is call DishNetwork and tell them you're without your husband who's in the military and explain what happened and that you're a young mother with a baby living alone. See if they can just stop your contract temporarily. And when the husband comes home, even if it's just for a few hours make him sit down and get your name on these accounts. It's just not right for you to be there so much alone in situations like this.

posted by: dysfunction1018
post date: 03.08.05 (8:24 pm)

Reply to: FinalyFree
thats what i'm sayin. being alone would be fine, but crap like this only seems to happen when he's away. :P

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100... no, wait, 80 things you might like to know about me:
1. i love being a mom.
2. i love being married, but i hate being a navy wife.
3. my son is 6 months old.
4. i am terrified of dogs.
5. i have two chihuahuas.
6. i get frustrated very easily.
7. my dogs are not always well behaved, especially when other people are around.
8. my son is only well behaved whenever other people are around.
9. i love them anyway.
10. i hate the military.
11. i married my husband anyway.
12. i know close to nothing about his job.
13. not even his rate or rank.
14. i like it that way, but other people think i'm weird.
15. i love tori amos.
16. and ani difranco.
17. i wanted to give you a more interestingprofie than the normal "name age location" thing.
18. i dye my hair red.
19. i've been dying it since i was 15
20. my hair has been gray since around the same time i started dating my husband, when i was 19.
21. my husband and i started "talking" on august 29th 2002.
22. we became a real couple on oct. 19th 2002.
23. we were married on oct. 18th, 2003. my 21st b-day.
24. my sons due date was aug. 28th, 2004.
25. he was born or august 22 tho, so the coincidence ends there.
26. my favorite color is purple.
27. i was born in philly, but moved to virginia when i was 4.
28. i live in CT now, cause home is where the navy sends me.
29. my husband is almost 10 years older than me.
30. he acts 10 years younger than me.
31. i love summer.
32. i like the beach, but the water is nasty, and i hate sand.
33. one of goals in life is to go to a beach with clear blue water.
34. i dream of going to new orleans someday.
35. i have a sneeking suspicion than new orleans in my dreams is the way it was along time ago, and going there today would probably be quite a shock to me.
36. i'm afraid of the dark.
37. i love walking in the rain in the summer.
38. i fell in love with my husband when he convinced me to have kids.
39. i never wanted children, but i love my son more than life.
40. i am shy, but you wouldn't know it if you knew me.
41. i'm a bitch and i know it.
42. girls piss me off.
43. my life is one binge after another, i going on cleaning rampages, i get obbsessed with blogging, i spend days at a time doing just one thing, and then i move on.
44. i hate that about myself.
45. i'm 22 years old and i sleep with a stuffed bear.
46. i have panic attacks when i drive.
47. i hate big crowds of people i dont know.
48. i love big crowds of my friends.
49. i don't drive much.
50. i loved the movie "Donnie Darko" but after watching it 13 times i still don't have a clue what happened or what it was about.
51. if you could explain it to me i'd be thrilled.
52. i'm dyslexic.
53. i read at a college reading level when i was in 7th grade.
54. i used to be pagan. now i'm not religious.
55. i don't think of myself as a pessimist but others would say i am.
56. i have low expectations to avoid being dissapointed, but i'm happy when things exceed my expectations.
57. i have a very large vocabulary, but i dont use it much because i'm afraid of being misunderstood.
58. i compleatly forgot what i was going to say here.
59. i am a horrible speller.
60. i remember now.
61. i type using 2 fingers on my right hand, but i'm pretty fast and i know where all the keys are... most of the time.
62. my husband makes a perfect omlet.
63. he tried to teach me how, but mine are always ugly.
64. i want ever product i have ever seen an info-mercial for.
65. i hate being compared to other people.
66. i dont understand how the same man who on rare occasion says or does something that takes my breath away and makes me feel whole and safe and wonderful, is the same man who pisses me off so easily by leaving his boots at the botom of the stairs where he knows i'll trip on them or forgets to put the toilet seat down so i fall in when i pee in the middle of the night.
67. i dropped out of college because i was bored.
68. i have clear memories of a trip i took to england when i was 4 years old, but i can't remeber where i put the keys this morning.
69. i met my husband, the love of my life, working in a deli.
70. i loved him the second i saw him, but it took us almost 2 years to get together.
71. i try not to have unrealistic goals in life.
72. sometimes i cry in the shower for no reason.
73. i used to cry every day. now i hardly ever let anyone see me cry.
74. i have never farted in front of my husband, i don't think i am physically able to.
75. i want to be great at something.
76. i dont know what.
77. i like rap, alternative, and countless other types of music.
78. i'm bored.
79. i'm 22, and i have a 14 year old step daughter.
80. my goal was to think of 100 things about myself to tell you here, but i'm tired, so i'll quit while i'm ahead.